Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Kidney stones. HOLLER

It's pretty much safe to say that kidney stones are very comparable to death. I happen to think that death is better, because at least you die and no longer have to deal with TINY STONES BEING SHOVED OUT OF YOUR PEE HOLE. I liked to die, ya'll. I woke up the other night with the worst "I have to piss, like, YESTERDAY" sensation, and upon urination, I fell to my knees off the toilet and saw Jesus' face. It took a few days, but I am better. Id honestly give up my eyeballs to never have to go through that again.

In other news, the cheapest divorce consultation I can find is TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS AN HOUR. What in the hell? I have one question, and I have to pay 200 dollars for the answer. I unfortunately googled the shit out of the question and found many conflicting answers. My 200 dollar question is as follows: According to Louisiana divorce laws, in an uncontested divorce involving minor children, is the 1 year waiting period (being physically separated from your spouse) before the divorce is granted BEFORE filing, or AFTER filing? In other words, do I have to be living on my own for one year before I can file, or do I have to wait one year after I file in order for the divorce to be granted.

I've lived on my own for over a year, so I am really hoping the waiting period is before filing. Id hate to have to wait another year for this to be over. Also, are there pro bono divorce lawyers? I can hardly afford to flush my toilet, let alone fork over ridiculous amounts of money for someone to draw up a few pieces of paper for two people who JUST WANT IT TO BE OVER.

James got me a card for mother's day. I didn't expect him to, but it's nice... since I am the mother of his child. It was a nice card, until he wrote this "...We may not be meant for each other, but you were meant to be my son's mother." ....which, uh, I guess is sweet in James' own way. Maybe it's because I know him so well that as I was reading it, I could hear his voice. I laughed a little. But it was nice. Weird, but nice.


  1. ouch. have never had one...kinda glad. i got no clue on your i wont charge you 200. smiles.

  2. There must be a way of getting divorced without a lawyer if it's not contested. Isn't there a citizens' advice bureau you can go to?

  3. GB- We can, but in the end it would be more expensive OR just as expensive. I can get the papers to fill out myself for 300+ dollars. Then Id have to turn around and pay the 500 dollars the court will charge me in the accumulated fees.
    Id also feel a bit more comfortable having a lawyer handle it because of my son.

  4. Not to be insensitive but I laughed out loud at the visual of you seeing Jesus. Sorry. But on the serious side, I bet that feels like the worst shit ever and I am very sorry for you. My step-dad had kidney stones a few times and I thought he was going to die!

    Divorces are expensive!!! I used to work for a family lawyer and I would see people go broke just from getting a divorce--even if there were no kids, they didn't hate every fiber of the other person, etc. Maybe there is some sort of legal aid or government assistance program in your area? That might be cheaper.

  5. well,
    sorry for what happened,
    getting a divorce is very expensive emotionally and wishes!

  6. In my mind I imagine kidney stones to be the male version of giving birth, both of which I hope to never experience. *fingers crossed* :)

    Sorry about the divorce, ugh. Lawyers are basically legal criminals in my book.

  7. This is why I just killed my wife when the marriage went sour.

    Your blog is good, by the way... I just found you via Risha's guest post on mine. You make the sad/boring parts of life seem funny and fairly light-hearted. I like.