A letter to myself.

Me,

Happy New Year. 2009 was rough for us wasn't it? It wasn't the best year, and I honestly cannot say "But lessons were learned." because they weren't. They were taught, but they weren't learned. We wasted a whole year aimlessly walking through situations and problems and struggles. Face down, arms up in a weak defense, I couldn't even face you. I let you take blow after blow to the face, and never made an attempt to help you up off the floor. I let you drink yourself stupid and I let you exhaust yourself in an endless worry. I have a few promises for you that I intend to see through. Hear me out, give me one more chance, and I'll try 100% to not let you down.

I promise not to beat you up over failures this year. I'll pick you up, dust you off, and help you learn from your mistakes. I promise to be good to you. I'll take care of you, and be nice to you, and pamper you when you really deserve it. I promise to help you breathe, I'll let you relax, I'll let you sleep at night instead of worry about bills. I won't let you be lonely, if that means I have to force you to socialize. Staying cooped up in this apartment wasn't good for us. This year lets get out there, make new friends, learn something new, it'll help. And lastly, I promise to be your best friend. This year will be better, we'll make it a good one. Smile, this is just the beginning.

Don't lose who you are. You're a good person, karma is a beatiful thing when it finally happens. One day, good things will find you, embrace you, and take you on a thrilling ride. But these things you can't look for, they just randomly slap you in the face when you least expect it. So don't write yourself off. I won't say "things could be worse" even though they could be. But you've spent way too long focusing on the worse things. Let's focus on you. You deserve it, you deserve to take care of yourself. I'm here to help, I promise... I'm not walking away this time.


With love,
Me.