Sunday, December 20, 2009

Six. A depressing six at that.

The Vikings lose. Is it me, or do they just play horribly on Sunday nights? What an embarrassment, but such is the life of a Minnesota fan. This will make my work week a little bit more horrible than usual. Sometimes I wish I hated football, these stomach ulcers are starting to be a pain in my ass. Jesus Christ, I need a new hobby.

The Cop texted me sporadically throughout the day. I caved and asked if he really did want to see me again which probably made me seem insecure, but I am so whatever. He said "Absolutely, unless you do not want to see me again." Then I ended up analyzing that particular text, got all pouty, and drank 3 spiked eggnogs in a row. What is my problem? Why can't I just text carefree without having to get lit afterwards? I'm considering bringing a flask of vodka to work tomorrow because lord knows Ill be all up at my desk over analyzing e-mails that I get from the underwriters I work with. That's how insecure I am.

I'm not the type of insecure that women who need men in their life are, I'm insecure about those who already are in my life. I spend 50% of my day worrying about who thinks what about me. If someone doesn't like me, it bugs me until I'm some how convinced they actually do like me. I can blame this on my failed marriage which is what I usually do, I think it developed somewhere between the 1st and 2nd affair. I can also blame it on the fact that I avoid conflict by any means possible. Id even be happy if The Cop politely explained how great of a person he thinks I am, but I'm just not his type, just as long as he doesn't call me a crazy bitch and tells me to lose his number.

I think I may need counseling. Or a joint.


  1. thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment! i totally know what u mean

  2. i feel you. and i do believe a failed marriage can do that to you.i totally have tons of issues of insecurity because my ex cheated on me. a lot of women don't even understand why i i need clarity in my relationships. i need to know your intentions, up front. i need to know how you're feeling. if i feel something is off, i automatically get worried. shit other guys would shrug off or just not care about, i see as a warning sign. it don't matter if it's not..that's just how i see it.

    don't think you need counseling or a joint. think you just need some time to heal. it takes a lot time to get over that shit. me, i'm going on year 3 & sometimes it feels like it just happened.